Sharing more time together deepens relationship
The first thing you must do to make your most important relationship more intimate is sharing more time together. Partners often come for counseling to specialists with complains of loneliness, sense of lovelessness.
What most of these types of couples have in common, they do not share much time together. They usually believe that they do not spend less time together than their friends spend with their spouses. They may be correct. However, a significant lack of time for jointly spending is linked to the problem of such missing closeness.
Besides, chronic conflict between couples makes it difficult to enjoy a blissful moment for the partners. Obviously, taking everything of your partner negatively bars the relation to develop. Ongoing conflict and negative feelings about the partner and the relationship play a role in avoiding spending time with each other.
There are some other couples who are not in chronic conflict but feel disconnected and emotionally abandoned by each other. The most common excuse in this regard, "we are so busy" with work/school/kids/aging parents/etc. that time is too short for ourselves to be carved out as a couple.
Parents are a child's most important role models for how to be in relationships. Parents who are spending inadequate time and attention on their marriage are modeling this to the kids. Marital problems that are associated with not spending enough time together, are also serving as a model for the children's adult relationships.
Not only is spending time together essential for intimacy and marital happiness, the way you spend time together is also important.
While for one partner, spending time in the same room watching the same television programme may be a shared moment, for another it can be boring.
You need not do anything "special" like taking a vacation or going on a "date night" to establish closeness in your relationship. "Quality" time spent in a dark movie theater does not allow for meaningful conversation. If you are setting aside small blocks of time for your marriage, examine it for the actual amount of "quality time" you are getting from it. Quality time equals time engaged meaningfully with each other. If you are both together, connected in some meaningful way, where you both believe it to be meaningful, you have quality time.
However, couples need more than "quality time" together. They need a quantity of time together. Couples who are experiencing a lack of closeness usually need to spend more time together to have that sense of connection. While just being together and being engaged meaningfully, whether or not you are talking, it usually takes spending quite a bit of time together to establish that shared sense of being meaningfully engaged.
A couple will rarely have the same level of need for closeness vs. distance at the same time. In the beginning couples share that same desire for closeness as they are establishing the relationship. It is often described as the process of "falling in love", when each is excited about seeing the other, pays a lot of attention to what the other is thinking/feeling, and is very conscious of relationship dynamics. At this point, both partners are flooded with neurochemicals that make this a very exciting time. When couples come into counseling, one will often say that s/he just wants to feel like s/he did when they first got together. S/he wants to re-experience that sense of falling in love or being in love. Couples can regain a sense of falling in love or being in love, but desire to have that experience does not magically make it happen. It takes much time and effort.
Couples that desire a return of closeness or emotional intimacy can make that happen by slowing down and dedicating the time and energy that it will take to accomplish it. If you don't have anything to talk about, or are having awkward silence in your time together, try some couple communication exercises, a couple's retreat, or a joint activity. You can take a dance class or learn a foreign language.
By restoring the emotional closeness many couples will notice an improvement in their sexual life. Emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy are usually interwoven.