Dear Baba,
When I learned your name at the age of 7, I could not really comprehend the value of your name in my life. To me, Dr Tanveer Ekram was only the answer to a question because I had nothing of you: no information and no memory. My only connection to you was a poem you wrote and that poem alone has nurtured my interest in literature, life and loneliness. That poem alone taught me the meaning of being alive for, I believe, when you wrote that poem you were dying inside and you would rather be anything but conscious.
"In the blackout of interplanetary space
I fork in my cape
Solitary actuality I play"
I remember reciting the words again and again trying to understand them. When I did understand them I recited them again and again trying to go back to you, the person who wrote them for you were the only one who understood who I am.
Standing against numerous logical criticisms I write this to tell you that I think I have accomplished most of the things you would have wanted for me. I think sometimes I may have also made you proud. First of all, I found myself a home and a place where I am unbelievably happy. It is a good place; a strange place. Nobody scolds me or hurts me if I eat. There is abundance of food, and everything and anything that I want. Nobody looks at me like I am a mistake or a criminal. Nobody makes me feel like a burden and of the first time in forever I feel like I belong. I think I make you proud because I am something that most people are not: I am happy.
Secondly, I married a man that is not exactly like you, is not exactly the suitable boy to marry but has a pure heart. He has a lot of problems too but the pure heart part is what matters and the fact that he loves me a lot and that he can never unlove me even if he tries his hardest. He feeds me with his own hands, sings me to sleep and in short: it is truly beautiful to belong to him.
I believe I also make you proud in the sense that I have always valued wisdom and knowledge over any academic credentials. I think that is why I am so different. I think it is because of the poem you wrote. It is because of the poem you wrote your daughter has learned to look at other people for who they are not who society portrays them to be. I think you should be proud for even in your absence you have taught your daughter many things. More than anything else you have taught me to be happy. You have taught me to choose a happy life if not a better life. You have taught me to choose love over fame, knowledge over certificates and wisdom over pride.
Even in death you are forever present in my life and will always be. I am an interpretation of you.
Love,
Tuntuni
P S Have fun discussing human temptations with Christopher Marlowe and Satan.
