Friday | 10 January 2025 | Reg No- 06
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Friday | 10 January 2025 | Epaper

What hurts you, blesses you

Published : Saturday, 28 December, 2024 at 12:00 AM  Count : 1032
Aynun Nahar Esha
I thought I'd never see you again. But there you were, sitting across from me, as if nothing had changed, talking to other people like it was just another day. Sometimes, you'd talk to me too, only when necessary. After all, it's a workplace.

Yet it feels unsettlingly ordinary, disturbingly so, like nothing happened between us, at all.
My mind couldn't keep up with it all as it spun in swirl of thoughts that I had no control over. I felt myself drifting further away from the moment, 
Then, suddenly, you called my name, your voice cutting through the haze to draw my attention to something trivial, some work thing. Your voice-God, how I love that voice- jolted me back to reality, even though I'd been trying so hard to stay far away from it.

What was I even thinking about? Probably you. Always you. But I couldn't even tell anymore.
I looked at your face, and in that instant, I felt the same way the first day I saw you-my heart pounding in my throat. 

I loved staring at your face so I could memorise every detail-the small mole by your nose, the way your lips twitched when you softly chuckled. 

I knew the exact spot where your dimple would form when you smiled, and every time you caught me staring, I'd shyly look away, embarrassed, but secretly hoping you'd notice.

But this time, that was not all. It wasn't just the warm flood of happy memories that filled me. There was something more, a sharp ache in my chest, as if joy and pain had collided and left me hollow. 

Of memories and melancholy, the wonders are still the same. And yet, I realised I had written these same lines before. I wanted to say something new, something fresh for you, but the words wouldn't come. They were stuck, lodged somewhere between what I wanted to say and what I knew you didn't need to hear.

I thought about speaking up, about letting it all out-the things that still lingered in the empty spaces between us. But then I stopped myself. I knew it wouldn't matter. Whatever I said wouldn't change anything. 
We were both here, sitting in the same room, but we weren't really here, were we? 

When you stood up to leave, you hesitated. It was brief, just a fleeting second, but it was enough to make me wonder if you felt it too. I don't even know what it is, this feeling. I don't think it has a name. It's just… there, hanging in the air, never fully taking shape.

Then, you smiled. It was that smile I had loved so much, the one that had once made my heart race and knees tremble. But now, it was just a reminder of everything that had slipped away. And with that smile, you turned and walked away, without looking back.

I didn't call after you. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have said something, anything, to stop you. But I didn't. Instead, I silently uttered Rumi's words in my mind as I watched you go: "What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle."


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