On the third Sunday of June (21st this year), we always celebrate Father’s Day in the USA. Unlike most holidays, retailers did NOT start this one to promote sales, but it was established by a daughter to honor her father who single-handedly raised her and her siblings 116 years ago. Subsequently, it received presidential endorsement from Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, Lyndon Johnson, and Richard Nixon.
Mother’s Day, however, remains a much bigger celebration with flowers, gifts, and special brunches in restaurants. Celebrations for Father’s Day is much more subdued and take many different forms - from simple Father’s Day cards to small practical gifts like a powered tools or a comfortable chair.In any case, most fathers are uneasy with praise for things they have done naturally as a father - providing a home, food, healthcare, education and whatever else the children needed. Fathers rarely talk about themselves but are usually good about giving advice. I grew up in Bangladesh (then East Pakistan) at a time when fathers were feared by most children even though mothers were the disciplinarians. I got (well deserved) beatings from my mother but mostly laughed as she chased me with her hand fan from one room to another.On the other hand, I dutifully turned down the volume of radio or tv as soon as my father’s car pulled into our driveway. I rarely spoke with him unless he asked me questions. Yet my father gave us a sense of security that cannot be described in words or even common logic. There were silent expectations from him - doing well in school, showing respect to elders, never raising your hand on girls/sisters,and treating all including our household servants and cook with dignity.
We learnt from examples set by my father. He supported ALL his brothers and sisters, including his parents financially when he was the sole person working immediately after the Second World War and partition of British India into Pakistan and India. He held important government positions throughout his life but conducted himself in a way that no one dared to offer him bribes or ask for undeserved favors. He was deeply religious, following all the requirements of the religion in a low-key manner but was never judgmental.
The most unique aspect of our growing up was watching the partnership of my parents-a clear departure from the “father knows best” hierarchy of that time. At night we could overhear them talking about every topic - from prices of onions to the latest political issue. Every Saturday they would be on a romantic “date” going to the English movies at a nearby theatre and bring back chips and candies for us. My father took no decision without consulting my mother and we have never heard him treating my mother disrespectfully or in an inappropriate manner. Their relationship - uncommon for those times- would be an educatable example for all of us.
While we all thrived under the umbrella of strength and security of our parents, my first real conversation with my father began long after his retirement. He used to visit me in the USA andwe should sit on the beaches of Lake Michigan and talk. He would recall various major events of his/ourlife, and he would explain why and how he acted in a certain way. I was amazed with his perspective and logic - truth had only one version, sharing never makes a person poorer, help anyone whenever you can without expecting anything in return, set your own goals and do not be envious of others’ success. Values that he lived by and would help me define my path in life.
To me, therefore, every day is Father’s Day. I feel my father’s presence in every breath I take, pause before every decision I take (what would he think?) and try my best.Whatever success I may have achieved was defined by a decision that I had no input - to be born as the son of Selima and Muhammad Habibur Rahman.
The writer is Professor & Founding Dean, The Graham School of Management, Saint Xavier University, Chicago, USA and CEO, APAC group of healthcare companies
